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Are you "Stubborn"?

Have you been labelled, or do you label yourself, Stubborn?

Do you find it shows up when interacting with others? Maybe when you are required to collaborate on a project or task in a work setting. Maybe it's also showing up with your Partner when it comes to decisions around parenting, where to Holiday, or what to have for Dinner.

Perhaps you are already aware of your 'Stubbornness' and have accepted that's just who you are - or that's the way your parents were. From time to time we have Clients who present these challenges in their Developmental Coaching sessions. Looking for a different way to show up in life.

When we enquire with our clients on this coaching topic we find it's really the perceptual filters they are using to perceive things in certain ways. Somewhere along the way, probably early on in life, programs have been installed to filter reality. Meaning everything that is taken in from the outside is sorted and bias is applied immediately. Programs like Comparison to sort for the 'Difference' in everything or to 'mismatch' information. Another program could be the Primary Reaction that is preferred when taking in information, to strongly take a 'polar' opposite view instead of a 'consensus' go-with-the-flow approach. People who do 'Stubbornness' strongly are most likely, among others, running these programs as drivers - meaning they could be operating outside of their awareness. Pretty difficult to change something that is outside of your awareness, right? And because they were installed so long ago, the programs are not even current!! Imagine running decades-old software programs on your PC, or Apps on your phone, they would not work very well nor would they offer very much protection. So what we do is update them as soon as a newer, more relevant version is available. It's easy because it is brought into our awareness for us. Our Developmental Coaching aims to bring Awareness to the Positive Intention that runs these programs and keeps them installed in your mind. Awareness creates a choice for a different response. Coaching is the 'pop-up notification' you have never had. Our Clients who do 'Stubbornness' tell us of the challenges it presents for them. They are often perceived or labelled as 'hard to work with', 'disruptive', or 'bad communicators' by their colleagues because of their polar views or mismatching causing friction in the workplace. In relationships they are perceived as overly 'opinionated' or 'refuse to compromise', causing others to be reluctant to share or be vulnerable with them. These examples of daily challenges show up across contexts and can be a strong leashing of one's potential. Potential in work and in relationships. The good news is, these programs can be shifted to gain flexibility when they are chosen to be applied. Because it's not always a case of removing them completely - there may be contexts where these programs are serving well. In Leadership, for example, effective leaders know when it's appropriate to mismatch information to challenge ideas and status quos. But when these patterns are in your mind's driver's seat and hold the keys, that is a problem. Through the right enquiry, these patterns can be understood by bringing awareness to the old frames that are running this way of being. Could it be a frame that the only way to protect oneself is to respond this way? Fear of what others may think, or what it says about you if you don't put up a fight and just give in? Is the behaviour supporting a belief that is held about standing up for yourself and this is the way you were taught to do it? These are some of the potential positive intentions mentioned earlier. Each person is running a unique set of frames which is why Coaching is so effective and needed to make the required shifts. Coaching will explore in detail what has been covered here globally, and most importantly coaching is unique to the individual. If you also hold yourself to labels and believe it's just the way you are, then give yourself permission to try something new and book a 20 minute chat to explore becoming the architect of your life. Because only you know what it's truly costing you. Evolve Lab.


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